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Icarian Flight
 
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Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in m_hellcat's LiveJournal:

Friday, March 23rd, 2007
9:13 pm
FUCK!!!!
I'm just really pissed off right now. I don't have an outlet and the reason I'm pissed off isn't very good. I don't know what to fucking do or how to change how I feel. Right now, I really need Rick and he isn't available for me. Besides, it's partially his fault. Fuck it. I'm going to play Warcraft.

Current Mood: pissed off
Saturday, February 17th, 2007
5:43 am
I feel so dumb...
I know Rick's only gone for two weeks. It's not like he's back in Iraq. He's just in Norway, but I miss him so much. For some stupid reason, I'm sitting here crying, thinking about the day he doesn't come home to me. It's so dumb! Even if he goes back to Iraq, it's not like he's doing a job that's really dangerous. He's not out patrolling Baghdad; he'd be back on some FOB in the middle of nowhere, working on helicopter hydraulics.

And then there's my own disappointment. He could be the one worrying about me coming home in a box. My job would have been more dangerous than his, but I'll never get to do it. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. Hell, I miss the girls in medical hold. I was so close to some of them, even though I didn't know half of their first names. Hell, I have no idea where most of them are from. But now that is gone too. Damn it. I hate the military for killing my dream and I hate it for giving Rick his...

Grow up, jozie-girl.. Life has never gone the way you want it to, and it never will...

Current Mood: lonely
Friday, February 16th, 2007
5:32 am
damn it...
up again from a stupid dream... atleast i don't have to work today... i'm really getting sick of this....
Thursday, February 15th, 2007
4:17 am
damn it...
i just can't sleep now... my mind is working overtime...
at work yesterday, i saw a friend from high school... i considered him a very close friend at the time... but i haven't seen him in years... of course, we exchanged phone numbers and myspace info (why the hell does everyone have myspace? it sucks... the only reason i have one is because most of my friends don't have lj)... well, apparently, he went home and added me to his friends list right away... while checking out his myspace, i came across almost all my friends from high school... at first it was cool... i haven't seen or heard from most of them in years... but now i don't think so... i'm not the same person anymore... that jozie died a long time ago... i made sure of that... which is part of the reason that i haven't talked to most of those people... but it seems her ghost has come back to haunt me... what do i do? how do i interact with people who know a different jozie... they're going to expect the same old girl... and i'm going to expect the same people i used to know... which isn't necessarily good... part of the reason i changed was because of some of those old friends... let's just say i'm a little more bitter, a little more jaded, a little more cynical than i used to be... some of those people weren't very good friends to me... damn it! i tried to loose my past! what the hell?!

to make matters worse, the original reason i came online was because i had another nightmare... they've been getting worse and more frequent... why do i have to have nightmares? why can't i have some other weird.. quirk, i guess? for those of you who don't know, i've had nightmares which have nothing to do with my life since i was a child... weird things like people getting their heads cut off or car accidents or poltergeists... the nightmares for me are like having hazel eyes or auborn hair... they're natural and apparently part of my dna... they almost went away for a while (when rick and i were still engaged and i slept in his bed every single night)... but now that we're back to dating and i don't sleep at his house as often, they're back... tonight's was freaky and matt (my best friend, deceased three years now) was in it... i haven't dreampt about matt in almost two years...

tonight sucks... that's all there is to it... my mind is in turmoil... i don't think i'll get any sleep...

Current Mood: anxious
2:49 am
Valentine's day sucks...
Rick is in Norway... He's doing his two weeks a year thing for the army... He's probably getting his ass kicked by the ski instructor by now... I miss him horribly... and he's only been gone about two days now... anyway... i was having trouble sleeping, but i'm tired and i'm going to try to go back to sleep...
Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
2:52 am
I don't know....
I think my brain's been addled. I find myself staring at the cherry of my cigarette in awe. It just looks cool. I wish I could find something, like a stone or something, that looks like a burning ember. Weird. I'm pretty sure I did something to myself at some point in time to addle my brain. Maybe it was at basic training when I blacked out.

Well, in other news, Rick and I split up, but we're back together on a "trial basis." Basically, we both needed to make compromises. We've done so and I think things will go better now. So far so good.

Work is going well enough. I've started at the service counter which is way better than cashiering. Instead of doing one thing repetitively, I do a bunch of things repetitively. I even get the opportunity to use my brain now and again. I've also realized that I can get a real job. I don't need a degree yet (although I still plan on going back to school). I'm going to start looking for a job that doesn't involve the question "Would you like paper or plastic?"

And I think that's it. DanaLynn is level 42 on WoW. I'm going to really try to level her as quickly as I can. That's easier said than done however. I'll talk to the guild. Night all!

Current Mood: weird
Friday, December 29th, 2006
1:45 am
I'm so tired...
Rick and I split up... Right now, I would hate him if I could... Obviously, it hurts a lot... But that's not what I'm posting about tonight...
I talked to Rick tonight... And we came to an understanding... As I was leaving, he and I were in the hall, still talking... Tabitha came out of the living room and went into the kitchen... She heard half our conversation which was mostly a joke... I told him what I expected if he still wanted to be friends... I also reminded him that I was going to be "mean" to him for a while... He understands it... He accepts it... He expects it... And he knows I don't mean it... He knows I'm hurt and therefore angry... He knows that the things I say aren't actually me talking, but me trying not to hurt so much... Tabitha doesn't understand that... She got pissed off, slammed the living room door and loudly told Johnny that I was being rude to Rick in his own house... I'm not sure why I'm upset about this because Tabitha and I haven't been friends in a long time... But it got to me... I could understand if Rick was upset about it and she was just mad for his sake, but Rick isn't bothered by it... Now I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to hang out with Johnny without having to deal with her being a bitch... Johnny's a good guy and actually fun to hang out with... I like talking WoW with him and watching stupid movies that are really addicting... Who else is going to laugh at Rick with me? And when Rick and I start spending time together again as friends, we won't be able to sit in the living room and watch tv because she'll be there... She doesn't even really like Rick, but she's getting pissed off on his behalf? Damn it anyhow! I'm just too frustrated and too emotional as it is without having to deal with bullshit from Tabitha... She should mind her own business and leave Rick and I alone...
Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
7:06 am
ok, so i thought it couldn't get much worse... i was wrong... i'm sick now... this really sucks... so i've been drinking water and green tea and taking vitamins, especially vitamin c and i need to find some basil to make tea... hopefully i'll be better soon...

Current Mood: sick
Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
2:38 am
So Tired
Today was my last day of work. It was weird. Every other job I've had, I've left quietly. This time, everyone knew. I thought one of the baggers was going to try to give me a hug. He settled for a handshake. I got a flower from one of the girls. It was weird. Everyone was stopping at my register before they left to tell me goodbye. Suddenly, leaving seems way too real and I don't want to go now.
Monday, June 19th, 2006
11:30 pm
My first MRE
Ok, so I ate the MRE before work. I brought it with me and heated it up while I was driving (windows down of course). The girls and I had a good laugh about it at work. I was apparently a little too excited about military food. The one I got was pasta with vegis and tomato sauce. It came with spice pound cake, crackers, nut raisin mix and of course, my two bags of M&M's. It was soooooo good. I love MRE's. The girls tried it too and they liked it. I'm thinking that Rick and I should get a couple more of them and have a picnic. I know, I'm so weird. Most girls get excited when their boyfriends get them flowers and stuff; I get excited over MRE's. Now I'm going to finish my crackers and my M's and go to Rick's. Night all!

Current Mood: geeky
8:57 am
cool!
Rick is back from drill. And he bought me something on base... So today, I'm going to eat my first MRE. He bought me a vegetarian one. I'll let you know how it goes. Even cooler- it came with TWO packs of M&M's! How cool is that?
Yeah, I'm a little tired, a little wired... But it's all good. I have 15 days left.
That's all.

Current Mood: silly
Sunday, June 18th, 2006
5:24 am
Hey, wow....
I have pictures now. I have a picture of Rick and some pictures of me.


Edit: I can't find them now... Only one shows up...

Edit #2: Nevermind. I figured it out. I am not a computer person.
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
11:46 pm
My feet hurt...
Work was long. I really hate humanity as a whole. Customers are so dumb and rude. Just so you know, I have no control over the number of cashiers or baggers working or the price of groceries. Leave me alone, damnit!
In other news, I'm reading the Da Vinci Code. Oh my god! I love it. I think I'm going to copy DV and start doing book reviews. After all, I'm always reading. Expect a review of Da Vinci Code by Friday or Saturday.
42 days left!

Current Mood: geeky
Sunday, May 14th, 2006
6:00 am
Huh?
So my sister doesn't want to put my nephew's smelly diapers in the trash because they'll make the trash smell. So instead, she individually wraps them in plastic bags and leaves them in the hallway, right by the kitchen. That way, they make the whole apartment smell instead of making the garbage smell. Am I the only one that this doesn't make sense to?
Wednesday, May 3rd, 2006
6:25 pm
Tax Cuts?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12612901/from/RS.4/


If only the tax cuts actually did anything for middle and lower-class families. Helping Big Business won't help the economy! Why don't republicans get that?
6:14 pm
How Rude!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12614492/site/newsweek/


I work in a grocery. I'm a cashier. I deal with a lot of rude people. The nicest people I encounter are minorities (Chicanos, Asians, Blacks, ect.). Some of them don't speak the best English (and of course, I don't speak the best Spanish, Chinese, Arabic, whatever they speak....). But we learn to communicate. A lot of the people who don't speak English are so polite and understanding. They know I don't speak their languages and that this is going to take a little longer than usual. It's mostly the whites in line behind them who are rude. I like to remind them that I am only a cashier. I have no control over anything in the store- especially prices and scheduling (it's not my fault that corporate decided to cut hours and you have to wait an extra five minutes in line). I wish everyone could just learn to be nice and just get along. Or atleast pretend!
Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
7:00 am
Gas prices and Bush
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12532264/

Why won't Bush tax outrageous oil company profits?
Because Bush is an oil man. He's making money, so the rest of us have to suffer. The sad thing is that I was happy to see the gas prices go down to $2.79 per gallon. My multimedia teacher in high school predicted that I would see gas prices reach $5 per gallon in my lifetime. It looks like he'll see it too. This is ridiculous!

Current Mood: aggravated
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